he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
