My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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