you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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