Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
