dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
