I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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