im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
