I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
