Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
