I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
