SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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