May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
