I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
