Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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