is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
