I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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