You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
