Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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