I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Randomize
