i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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