considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
