I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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