If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
