How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
