The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
