I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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