So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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