You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
