false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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