I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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