Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
