I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
