She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
