I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
