My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
