i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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