Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
