I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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