Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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