I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
