Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I FOUND THE LEGS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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