I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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