You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
