I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
