I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
