Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
