just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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