Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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