if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
