i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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