when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
