Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
