halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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