i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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