I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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