About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
