So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
