Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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