she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
