I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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