Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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