see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
