Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
